Dear Finn
by hallemoojah
Summary: Finn and Rachel try to maintain a long distance relationship when Finn joins the army. Inspired by Dear John by Nicholas Sparks.
1. Prologue

As I lie here on the ground with two bullet holes in my body, several images flash through my head. The last thing that comes into my mind is you.

Back at my stepbrother's apartment in New York, a picture frame sits on his desk. In that picture, he's smiling with his prized Marc Jacob boots. They're black with laces that go up to a few inches below his knees. There's an interesting story behind those boots. He found them at a rummage sale. It was the first time I had gone shopping with Kurt. I asked him why designer clothing and accessories would be sold at such a low price. He explained to me that they were irregulars. If an item was not sewed perfectly, then it would have IRREGULAR in big, bold letters stamped on its tag.

Later that night, when I was looking at Kurt's boots, I noticed something. The tag attached to the shoes didn't have irregular stamped on it. I ran to Kurt's room to show him. He looked at the tag himself and nodded, impressed with my observation.

When I joined the army, Kurt and I grew apart. I was in the army, and he had a new job working for Vogue. Whenever I came home for a week or two, he didn't know what to talk about. So he turned to fashion. Every time we ate dinner together, he would talk endlessly about fashion. Until one night, I couldn't stand it anymore.

He was talking about how flare pants might someday be in again as I was putting a carton of milk back in his refrigerator. I slammed the carton down. "Will you just shut up about fashion?" I shouted. "I don't ever want to hear about fashion again." Kurt watched sadly as I stormed out of the kitchen.

After that day, he never brought up fashion again. Every night we ate dinner together, was almost completely silent. Kurt had become a neat freak. He refolded all of his clothes every night. He buried himself in work. He even created a dinner schedule, assigning a food to every night of the week.

To be honest, there was only one thing that kept me going back to New York. It was a girl. Her name was Rachel Berry.


	2. Gold Star

I was spending two weeks in New York before going back to Georgia. I spent the first day at the pier. Usually when I went to the pier, I brought a football with me and threw it back and forth with anyone who wanted to. Today, I couldn't find anyone to play with.

A group of four young friends caught my attention. They were standing a few meters away from me. One was a tall boy with dark hair and blue eyes. The other boy was tan with muscular legs and curly hair. There were two girls. The first girl was short and had long, wavy hair up to her butt. The other girl was also short. She had smooth, brunette hair with blond tips. I watched as the boy with the blue eyes grabbed something off the brunette's neck and playfully swung it in front of her face. She tried to grab it from him, but he ran away from her. She chased him to the edge where he flung it around again, accidentally throwing it into the water.

"Oh no! My necklace!" the girl cried.

"I'm so sorry!" he gasped. "I didn't mean to do that! I'll go get it!"

He walked slowly. I shook my head. The necklace would be long gone at the rate he was going. I don't know why I did it, but I lifted myself over the railing and dove into the water. I saw something gold and shiny a few meters away from me. I swam quickly and grabbed it. It was a gold star necklace. My heart stopped. I had given my high school girlfriend, Rachel, a necklace just like this. I got out of the water and saw the brunette rushing towards me.

"Thank you so much!" she called out.

Finally, we were just a foot away from each other. "Rachel?" I said.

She looked at me. "Finn?" She stepped forward to hug me. "What are you doing here?"

"I have two weeks before I go back to Georgia. We usually get two weeks every year. I've been staying at Kurt's." She nodded. "Wow, I didn't recognize you with the new hairstyle!"

She looked at me. "I didn't recognize you either. You look so much more mature."

I held my hand up. "Oh, here's your necklace." I expected her to take it out of my hand, but she just kept smiling at me. Then I realized what she wanted me to do. I unclasped the necklace and put it around her neck, just like I had when I first gave her the necklace. I pushed her hair out, over the chain.

"Thanks, Finn."

The boy who flung her necklace into the ocean was running towards me, his other two friends behind him. "Hey! Dude! I could have gotten that."

"It's okay," I said.

Rachel looked back at her friends. "Oh, this is Brody," she said, pointing at the boy with the blue eyes. "That's Nicole, and that's Scott," she said, pointing to her other two friends. "They're all from NYADA."

Brody looked at me. "So who's he?"

Rachel smiled shyly. "Oh, this is Finn, my boyfriend from high school."

"Ex?" Nicole asked.

I looked down at my feet, ashamed. Rachel quickly defended me. "No, it wasn't his fault! He broke up with me, because he wanted me to live my dream at NYADA. He joined the army."

Scott folded his arms, as if he had suddenly lost whatever respect he had for me. "Why did you join the army?"

I sighed, because I knew I'd have to tell the painful story all over again. "For a long time, my mom had told me that my dad died courageously in war. But then I found out it was all a lie. He died from drug abuse. And I have to bring honor back to my family's name."

Brody, Nicole, and Scott seemed disinterested. Rachel cleared her throat. "So Finn, wanna walk back to campus with us?"

Brody gave me a cold glare. He clearly didn't want me to go. So I smiled and said, "I'd be glad to."

Rachel was in the middle of talking to me, when Brody came in between us and put his arm around Rachel. "Hey, you wanna hang out later?"

Rachel shrugged. "Maybe, I guess."

"Yo, Brody!" Scott called out. Brody turned around to talk to Scott.

I went back up to Rachel. "It seems like Brody likes you."

Rachel shrugged. "I think Nicole put the idea in his head that I like him. She's with Scott, so she wants us to go on double dates all the time."

When we arrived at the campus, Scott said they were going to hang out at his dorm. "Come on, Rachel!" he called.

"I'll be there!" She turned back around to me. "Bye, Finn. It was great seeing you." She stood on her toes and pressed a kiss to my cheek. She ran to catch up with her friends.

"Wait, Rachel!" I shouted. She looked back at me. "So I'll see you around?"

She nodded and smiled. "Yeah, actually I'd like that. We're having a party tomorrow night. Would you like to come?" Brody's shoulders stiffened.

"Yeah, I think I'll go."

"Great. So I'll see you tomorrow night."

"Bye, Rachel."

* * *

I used the key that Kurt had given me to get into the apartment. "Finn? Is that you?" he called from his room.

"Yeah, Kurt. Who else has the key?" I laughed.

"Oh. I know. I was just checking." I went into his room to see what he was doing. He was folding a sweater. When he saw me, he quickly put it away. I followed him into the kitchen. He uncovered a pot. "I made spaghetti."

"Kurt, I know you made spaghetti. It's Thursday." He spooned the spaghetti on each plate and placed three meatballs neatly in the corner of the plate. He always made both plates look exactly the same. I put the forks exactly in the center of the napkins, just like Kurt wanted. We sat down and ate. For a while, it was just the sound of our forks hitting the plates. "So how was work today?" I finally asked.

"The usual," he answered. His answer left me nothing to work with, so I had to change the subject.

"I saw Rachel today."

"Oh. That's nice."

"Have you been seeing her lately?"

"No. I'm very busy with work."

After we finished eating, I stacked my plate on top of his, put the napkins and forks on top, and brought them to the sink. I placed them in the sink and picked up the sponge when Kurt stopped me. "I'll do it," he said quickly.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

Later, I saw Kurt looking through his fashion magazines. I squinted at the cover. I was pretty sure it said 2008. He must have read this one several times already. He looked up at me, so I quickly ducked into my room. He continued to read his magazine. I had nothing to do, so I changed into my pajamas. I went back into Kurt's room. "I'm going to sleep so…good night."

"Oh. Okay. Goodnight."

I sighed. It was the same response every night. But I didn't expect it to change.


	3. Toby and Eve

I arrived at NYADA, standing around awkwardly, waiting for Rachel. Finally, she came out of the dorm building wearing a tight navy sweater that stretched across her shoulders and plaid shorts that reach the tops of her thighs. "No more reindeer sweaters?" I joked.

"Yeah, I guess I kinda outgrew those. I'm in college now." I couldn't help but feel a little sad that her reindeer sweaters and bouncy dresses were gone. I loved the way Rachel dressed in high school.

Rachel walked me to the quad and found two seats for us. "I can go get you some food. Do you want chicken?"

"Sure, thanks."

I sat down and waited for Rachel to come back, but then Brody came up to me. "Hey man."

"Hello," I said politely.

He took a large sip out of his bottle of beer. "Can I get you one?" he asked, throwing the bottle towards me.

I caught it and threw it back. "No thanks." I didn't feel comfortable around Brody.

"What? You don't drink? I guess you and Rachel have a lot in common."

"I drink sometimes, but I just don't feel like having one right now," I explained, wishing he would go away.

Finally, Rachel came back with a plate of chicken. "Brody, are you bothering him?" She pushed him playfully. "Don't be mean!" she warned. Brody laughed and walked away. She handed the plate to me. "Sorry, Brody can be so pushy sometimes."

"It's cool." I ate slowly. "You're not eating anything? Don't they have any vegan food?"

She shook her head. "Not really." A pale little girl with blond hair came running up to Rachel and wrapped her arms around her back. She was pencil-thin. "Is that who I think it is?" Rachel cooed. She turned around. "Hi, Eve!" The girl kept hugging Rachel and wouldn't let go.

A boy who was equally pale with silvery blue eyes came jogging up to us. He grabbed Eve and picked her up. "Sorry about that."

Rachel turned around and smiled at the boy. "Hey!" She gestured towards me. "This is Finn. Finn, this is my friend, Toby."

I shook his hand. "Nice to meet you." I pushed my plate towards the little girl. "Do you want some chicken?" She shook her head vigorously. That was strange. Kids loved chicken. She didn't even want a small piece?

Rachel looked at Eve with concern. "How about some lemonade? Come on let's go get something to drink." She took Eve's hand and brought her to get lemonade.

Toby sat down in the chair next to me. "I haven't seen you around NYADA."

"Oh, I'm not a student here. I used to be in Glee club with Rachel, but I joined the army after high school." I expected Toby to give me the same look of disdain that Scott had given me the other day, but he nodded respectfully.

"So you sing? I don't really sing that well. I'm a dancer. My dream is to be a Bollywood dancer." I raised my eyebrow. He laughed. "Yeah, I know. I don't really look like a Bollywood guy. I get that a lot."

"So how did you meet Rachel?" I asked.

"She was struggling in dance class, so I offered to help her." He looked at me. "I don't mean to be rude, but I just get this feeling that you and Rachel were more than friends. Am I right?"

"Yeah, we were supposed to get married," I said sadly. "But she got into NYADA, and I didn't get into the Actors Studio. Rachel was going to defer her acceptance for me, but I couldn't let her do that. So I joined the army and told her that I had to set her free."

"That was really brave of you," Toby commented.

Rachel came back with Eve, and Eve was just drinking a bottle of water. Rachel smiled sympathetically at Toby. "She would only take water." I frowned. Kids should be drinking Fanta or Sun Drop. The poor girl didn't eat or drink like a normal child.

Rachel walked me off the campus when the party was over. "I had fun tonight."

I smiled. "Yeah, me too."

She gave me a warm hug. "I'll see you around," she said.

I gave her the same lopsided smile that I always made when I was around her. "Yeah, see you around." I walked around the corner when a car pulled up beside me. The window rolled down. Toby and Eve were sitting inside the car.

"You want a ride?" Toby offered.

"No, I don't want to be an inconvenience," I replied.

"It's fine," Toby insisted.

"Okay, thanks. I really appreciate it." I climbed into the backseat of Toby's car. "Make a left over here," I instructed him. I pointed the Kurt's apartment building. "This is where I live." He unlocked the door and I got out. "Thanks again."

"No problem," Toby said. I walked up to the door of the apartment building when Toby called out, "Hey Finn?" I turned around. "Don't break her heart. Because if you do, I'll have to beat the crap out of you. And I don't want to do that."

I laughed. "I won't." I could tell that Toby loved Rachel. Whether it was in a brotherly way or a romantic way, it was still love. His car pulled away from the building, and I went through the rotating door.

I opened the door, and Kurt said the same thing again. "Finn? Is that you?"

"Yeah." This time I didn't bother pointing out that nobody else had the key.

"Oh. Okay."

I went into Kurt's bedroom, where he was folding his clothes again. He quickly put it away when I came in. "I met Rachel's friend today. He's cool. He gave me a ride home."

"Oh. That's nice."

"How was work today?" I asked, even though I knew what the answer would be.

"The usual."

"Well, I'm gonna go to sleep now. I'm tired."

The same response once again. "Oh. Okay. Good night."

* * *

The next afternoon, I went to the pier again. I found a teenage boy who was willing to throw and catch the football with me. I spotted Rachel out of the corner of my eye. I got distracted and the ball hit me in the head. The boy nodded towards Rachel. "I won't keep you away from your girl." He picked up the football, placing it firmly in my hands before leaving.

"So do you come here often?" I asked her.

"Yeah, it's nice out here. So you like to play football here?" I nodded. "Wanna teach me how?"

"Sure." I held my hands together, leaving a triangular shaped space in between. "So just hold your hands out like this, and I'll throw it to you." I moved back and threw the ball softly, aiming for the triangular shaped space. It landed perfectly inside, and she tightened her hands around the ball. "Good! Now throw it back to me."

She flung her arm back and shot it forward, causing the ball to spiral to the ground just a few feet away from her. She giggled. "Oops."

I picked up the ball and went over to her. "Here, I'll help you." I called out to an athletic looking girl. "Hey, I'm helping her throw. Can you catch it for us?" She nodded. I placed my hand around Rachel's, as she grasped the ball. My other hand was on her shoulder. Her ass tucked into my legs, as we stepped back in unison. I pulled her arm back, in a straight line, and then pushed it forward in a straight line. The ball spiraled right into the girl's hand.

Rachel jumped up and squealed, "I did it!" I took the ball from the girl, and threw it to Rachel. She caught it again. This time, she wound her arm back in a straight line, and pushed forward, just like I had showed her. The ball sped past the side of my head, right into the water. Rachel covered her mouth and started giggling. "Well, go get it!"

I shook my head. "Naw, I got your necklace! You owe me." She laughed as she ran down the slope, going into the water. She thrashed through until she found the ball. "Finn, I got it! Finn? Where are you?" I snuck up behind her and lifted her up around the waist. "Finn!" she cried, laughing at the same time.

I brought her out of the water and set her down. She laughed and wrapped her arms around me, pushing her head into my arm. Someone cleared her throat. I looked up. Nicole was standing in front of me with her arms folded, Brody and Scott behind her. "You're not supposed to go into the water."

Rachel looked up nervously. "I dropped the ball there, so I went to go get it," Rachel explained. "Anyway, what are you guys doing here?"

"This is a public area," Nicole sneered. "We can go wherever we want."

"Oh, I didn't mean it that way!" Rachel protested.

"Look, you've been neglecting us lately. We were gonna see if you wanted to go get coffee with us, but it seems like you're too busy." Nicole grabbed Scott and they stormed away. Brody looked back for a second and then followed him.

"Sorry, Rachel. I didn't mean to take you away from your friends," I apologized.

"No, it's fine. I really enjoy your company." She laced her fingers through mine. "So when are you going to take me on a real date?"

I smiled. "How about tomorrow? I'll meet you at NYADA and then we'll go."

"I'd love that."


	4. Reacquainted

"Kurt, I'm going out with Rachel tonight." I grabbed my keys off the counter as Kurt opened the oven.

He pulled a small pan out and set it down on the counter. "But I made lasagna."

I sighed. "It's Sunday. I know you made lasagna. Look I'll eat it leftover, okay?"

"Oh. Okay."

"See you later, Kurt." I walked out the door, not waiting for an answer. I knew what he would say anyway.

After locking the door, I put Kurt out of my head. Tonight was about Rachel. I walked to NYADA, forcing a smile onto my face. I sat down in the quad and waited for Rachel. She finally came out of the dorm building in a striped purple sweater and a short black skirt. Instantly, my smile became natural instead of forced. "You look great," I said.

"Thanks." She rubbed her skirt. "I tried to dress like I used to in high school. But my wardrobe is completely different now, so it was hard."

"You did a good job. I like the sweater." I smiled. It felt like the high school days again.

"Hi, Finn." A thin, boney finger tapped me. It was Toby's sister, Eve. She was standing with a group of kids, and there were two college students watching them.

"Hey, Eve!" I smiled warmly at her. "What are you doing?"

She pointed to the kids around her. "This is my support group." She pointed at the two college students. "They're going to dance for us."

"Eve, come with us!" one of the students said.

"Have fun, Eve!" Rachel called out. She wrapped her arm around my shoulder. "So where are we going?"

"I know a vegan place."

"Great!" She held me hand. "You know I'm really surprised that Eve warmed up to you so quickly. She's usually very shy."

"Why is she in a support group?" I asked.

"She's anorexic."

It all made sense now. How she had shook her head so nervously when I had offered her a piece of chicken. How she refused to drink anything but water. "But she's so young! She can't be older than twelve!" I commented as we walked towards the restaurant.

"She's only ten. Yeah, it's really sad. She's always been skinny, but she used to eat a lot. Fast metabolism I guess. Anyway, the girls at her school used to make fun of her a lot. They'd make pig noises every time she walked by. So now she doesn't eat." Rachel sighed sadly. "But it was Toby's idea to start this support group. He said that Eve seemed the happiest when she watched him dance. So kids with disorders meet here at NYADA to watch the students perform. They can be as young as five, and some of them are even students here."

"Wow, that's really great. Do you perform for them?"

"Yeah, I just sang for them last week." We turned the corner. "Maybe you could come perform with me one day before you leave?"

"Yeah, that would be cool." I stopped at the door. "We're here."

She looked at the sign. "Japanese food?"

"Yeah. I heard they make a lot of stuff with tofu in it, and that's vegan right?"

She nodded adoringly. "Yes, it is. I'm impressed!" I grinned proudly and opened the door. "What a gentleman!" she laughed.

A tall woman in the front took us to a table with two chairs. "Everything on the menu is vegan!" I declared with pride. In high school, I had accidentally served Rachel meat. I wasn't going to make that mistake again.

She wrapped her purse around the back of the chair. "You've grown so much Finn. It feels like just yesterday you were giving me 'meat substitute'."

I could feel my cheeks turning red. "Well, I guess that's what boot camp does to you," I mumbled. "So do you want to order?"

"Sure. Have you ever been here before? What's good?"

"I haven't been here before, but I really like that soup with the tofu."

"Miso? Oh I like that, too! And we can get noodles." We ordered and the food came pretty quickly. Rachel began picking at the cubes of tofu with her chopsticks.

I laughed. "Rach, what are you doing?"

"I don't want to burn my tongue!" She struggled with the chopsticks again and then finally picked up a cube, only to drop it back into the soup.

"Just use the spoon!" I laughed. I picked up the spoon and tilted the liquid into her mouth. She spit it out right away and dabbed at her tongue with a napkin.

"Hot! Hot!" she half giggled, half shrieked.

"You have to purse your lips!" I said, trying hard not to crack up. "So only a little bit will go inside your mouth." I tilted the spoon into her mouth again, and this time she licked her lips with satisfaction. The way her tongue glided smoothly over her lower lip was hot.

She could see me staring at her lips. I cleared my throat and shoved a few noodles into my mouth. "Great food," I said awkwardly.

Rachel nodded. She licked a small piece of tofu off her spoon. "So how's Kurt?"

I frowned. "Not as good as he used to be. I mean he's happy with his job and Vogue and everything, but he changed a lot. He's a neat freak now. He does literally everything on schedule. He plans what to cook for every day of the week. He refolds his clothes all the time. He just buries himself in work."

"I want to go visit him one day."

"Yeah, I guess I could arrange that. Maybe it would cheer him up." The waitress brought the bill and I left a stack of tens.

* * *

We walked past the pier as I was taking her back to NYADA. "Tell me about yourself, Finn," she said suddenly.

"You know me already. You know me better than anyone else in the world."

"But you've changed so much. I want to be reacquainted." She ran her finger around the outline of my tattoo. "Like what does this stand for?"

"It's a Chinese character," I answered.

"But it's gotta mean something."

"Oh," I chuckled. "It's a profanity."

She smirked. "So you're a rebel now."

"I guess you could say that." I looked up at the sky. "It's a full moon tonight."

"It's beautiful."

"Did you ever notice how no matter where you are, the moon is always the size of your thumb?" I held my thumb up to the moon.

"I don't see it," she said. I stood behind her, moving her wrist up to the moon. She put her thumb up. "Oh, it is!"

"That's how we'll be with each other when I go back to Georgia. Our moons will always be the same size."

She put her thumb down and turned around. "I don't want to think about when you go away."

"But it's gonna happen eventu-" I didn't get to finish my sentence. She put her hands on my shoulders and stood on her toes, kissing me passionately. It was just like that night in the bowling alley. She licked my lips briefly before pulling back. She had a strand of hair stuck to her lips. I brushed it away with my thumb. "I still love you, Rachel."

"It was never over, Finn." She rested her head on my shoulder. "I would have waited a billion years for you."

"I'd never make you wait that long." We kissed again, and then I walked her home.

I stopped right in front of her dorm building. "Well, bye, Finn." She walked away slowly, glancing at me, as if she still wanted something.

"Wait, Rach?"

She turned around with a mischievous smile. "Yeah?"

I wrapped my arm around her head, pulling her into me. This had to beat our "superman of kisses" at nationals! I was breathing heavily when we stopped. "So…I'll see you around?"

She smiled seductively. "Yeah, I guess you will."


	5. Depression

Just like I had promised, I went to NYADA to sing for the support group. I went three days in a row. On my fourth day, I went into the auditorium and only Rachel was there. "Where are all the kids?" I asked her.

"They don't meet today."

"Oh." I stood dumbly in the back of the auditorium. "So what do you want to do?"

"We could just sing…you know for ourselves." She smiled shyly. "Are you a fan of Cher Lloyd?"

"Yeah. Want U Back is a great song."

Rachel put her personal CD into the stereo. She selected a track and played it. "Augh!" she grunted, imitating Cher Lloyd. "Yeah. La la la la la. Augh!" She picked up the microphone and flipped her hair. "Hey, boy you didn't have much game. So I needed to upgrade. So I went and walked away, way, way. Now, I see you been hanging out with the other girl in town, looking like a pair of clowns, clowns, clowns."

I picked up my microphone. "Remember all the things that you and I did first?"

"And now you're doing them with her."

"Remember all the things that you and I did first? You got me, got me like this! Augh!"

"And now you're taking her to every restaurant. And everywhere we went, come on! And now you're taking her to every restaurant. You got me, got me like this! Augh! Boy, you can say anything you wanna, I don't give a shh..no one else can have ya!"

"I want you back. I want you back. Wa-want you, want you back! Augh!" we belted out together. "I'd broken up thinking you'd be crying. Now I feel like sh..looking at you flying. I want you back. I want you back. Wa-want you want, you back! Augh!"

Rachel spun around into my arms. She breathed heavily against me, running her fingers over my tattoo. "You know, you might be a big badass in the army now, but I'm not scared of you."

"Oh, yeah? Well..you still kinda scare me!" I teased

She laughed, shaking her head, and then put her hand on the side of my face, drawing me into her. My arms slipped around her waist, desperate to feel more warmth from her body. The embrace of her lips and her arms were just what I needed. She pressed her bodyweight down on me, lifting her thighs around me. I pulled her petite legs into my hands with ease. Now that we were both adults, being intimate felt easier. "I love you, Finn," she whispered into my chest.

"Not as much as I love you."

"No, I love you more!" She pulled my down to the floor and we kissed for what seemed like an eternity, the best eternity that I would ever experience.

* * *

I brought Rachel up to the door of Kurt's apartment. "Are you nervous?" I asked.

She stuffed her hands in the pockets of her jacket. "I guess a little. You told him I'm coming, right? I wouldn't want to startle him."

"Yeah, I told him. We'll only be here for a few minutes anyway." I stuck my key inside the lock and twisted. "Hey, Kurt, I'm here with Rachel."

Kurt came out of his room. "Oh. Hello, Rachel."

Rachel went over to hug Kurt. "Kurt, it's so great to see you again!"

"You too," he said quietly.

"So I heard you got into fashion."

"Yes, I did." He glanced nervously over at me. I smiled encouragingly.

"That's great! I'm so happy for you!"

"Well..would you like to see some of my work?"

"Sure!"

"Rachel, you don't have to.." I couldn't expect her to sit through that boring lecture.

"No, its fine. I want to." She followed Kurt to his bedroom.

Kurt turned on his laptop and plugged a flash drive in. He opened a document. "So I've been working on fashion dos and don'ts. He pointed to the third one in the don't column. "This is my favorite. Never brush after you gel. Disaster!" He was quiet for a moment. "I got the idea from Blaine."

We were all silent for a moment. Kurt had to leave Blaine back in Lima to start career. He was clearly hurting. "Thanks for showing us, Kurt. We should probably go now," I said politely.

"No, we can stay a little longer," Rachel insisted. She stayed for almost an hour, looking at Kurt's fashion magazines. Finally, Kurt said that he had things to do, so Rachel said goodbye.

"It was great seeing you, Kurt." She hugged him one more time before heading towards the door.

"I like Rachel," Kurt whispered to me as she was leaving.

"Yeah, Kurt. You always have."

* * *

It was my second to last day before leaving. Rachel had agreed to have dinner at Kurt's house on my last night. Today, I figured she might be at the pier after her classes were over, so I decided to surprise her. She was sitting on a bench with her eyelids drooping shut. I snuck up behind her and brought my lips to her ear. "Guess who?" I whispered, bending down to kiss her ear.

"Oh, hey, Finn!" she said drowsily. She turned her head just enough to give me a soft, quick kiss on my lips. I smiled proudly. Brody and Scott were sitting on the bench next to her, so they must have seen us.

She moved her head back to its original position, almost falling asleep again. "Come on, wake up, babe." I climbed over the bench, sitting down next to her. She yawned and stretched her arm over me. "What happened, Rach? Why so sleepy?"

"Sorry, I had a long day in class today I had to-"

I interrupted her, putting my finger over her lips. I nudged her chin with my lips, gradually moving up to her mouth. "I love you, Rach. And I'm here to make your stressful day all better."

"Well, it's working!" she giggled. "I feel awake now." She slowly pushed her tongue through the opening between my lips. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Brody and Scott getting up to leave. Rachel brought her tongue back to her mouth. "Hey, Finn, I have something to give you." She pulled a pamphlet out of her back pocket.

"Depression? What's going on?"

She took a deep breath. "Finn, I think Kurt is depressed."

My fist tightened around the pamphlet. "What do you mean? So you think he's a retard?"

"No, that's not it at all!"

"Screw you! Is this what you had planned all along? To get close to me again so you could examine Kurt like some little experiment? You think you know everything just because you work with the support group? Well you don't know anything! Stay away from my brother!" I turned around and walked away as quickly as I could.

"Finn, wait!" she begged.

I was trying to get out of there, but Brody put out an arm to stop me. "Hey, what's going on?"

"Just leave me alone, man."

"Did you hurt her? She's crying."

"I said leave me alone, man!"

"What did you do to her?"

"I can hurt you if I have to." He raised his eyebrows, as if he was mocking me, so I swung my fist back and punched up in the face effortlessly. He stumbled back but shot forward trying to tackle me. I shoved him.

"Hey, guys! Stop!" Someone came up behind me, trying to hold me back. Without thinking, I knocked my fist behind me. I turned around. It was Toby. I hadn't meant to hurt him. It shouldn't have been him.

Toby fell and held his nose. "Finn, you hurt him!" Rachel sobbed. I looked at them sadly. I couldn't handle the guilt, so I turned and ran.


	6. The Last Night

I waited outside of the freshman boys dorm building. I knew Toby would either go in or out of there eventually. Ten minutes later, I saw a figure of familiar pale skin walking towards the building. "Toby, hey."

He turned around. He had a large band aid stretched over his nose. "Hi, Finn."

"Look, man, I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to hit you. I didn't even know who was behind me."

He shook his head. "It's cool. It was my fault, too. I should have held Brody back instead." He scratched his lower lip. "I talked to Rachel."

I frowned. "She told me my brother was depressed."

"I know. I told her that it wasn't her place to diagnose him."

"I just hate to think that she may be right."

"Right or not, she agrees that she went too far by diagnosing him."

"She did?"

"Yeah," he replied. "You know she really loves you?"

"I know. I'm just really defensive of my brother."

"You should go talk to her."

"It's too late. I'm leaving tomorrow."

"That gives you the rest of the day."

"I don't know," I mumbled.

"Well you should really consider it," Toby said. He gave me a pat on the back. "It was nice meeting you Finn. Good luck."

I nodded. "Thanks, bro."

* * *

Kurt pulled two pans out of the oven. "I thought we might have some extra company today," he explained hopefully.

I shrugged. I was pretty sure there wouldn't be any company. "I'm not so sure," I said quietly.

"It's okay. We can wait and see."

I sighed. Kurt was in such a good mood today, and I knew it would be ruined soon when I broke the news to him. He put our two plates down, carefully folding each napkin. Then he took out another plate and made a third setting. I looked at the door and waited ten seconds. It didn't ring. She wasn't coming. I picked up the plate and stacked the fork and knife on top. Kurt looked at me. He got the message. "It's okay. I'll do it." He stacked the dish neatly on his shelf and then put the fork and knife into a basket. He cut two squares of lasagna and put them on the plates. We ate quietly, cutting off one small wedge at a time.

Suddenly, we heard the sound of high heels smacking against the pavement of the sidewalk. I went over to the window to see who it was. I squinted into the darkness, recognizing the wavy brunette hair. Rachel was running towards the apartment building. "Kurt, Rachel is outside!"

"You should go take the elevator down and bring her up. Hurry!"

I ran down the hall and stabbed my finger on the arrow facing down. A few seconds later, an elevator opened up. I took the elevator down to the first floor, dashing out as soon as the door opened. A short girl ran right into my chest. "Oh, I'm sorry!" she cried. She looked up.

"Rach," I said quietly. "I'm so sorry."

She rubbed her eye. "Finn, I'm the one who should be sorry."

"I shouldn't have yelled at you like that. And I hit your friends." I sighed, rubbing my fingers into my hair. "I always do things without thinking. God, I feel so stupid I just-"

Rachel pressed herself against me, cutting my speech off. Her lips were tight around mine. She wouldn't let go for a long time. "Finn, it's your last night!" she said, in tears now. "I don't wanna spend it fighting. I love you, Finn. And I just want one more moment with you."

I pulled on her hand, bringing her into the elevator. The doors closed, and she immediately jumped onto me, wrapping her thighs around my waist. I carried her out of the elevator, to Kurt's apartment and set her down. I opened the door. Kurt was waiting by the table eagerly. "Kurt, we have another guest for dinner."

"Oh, good!" he said happily. "Hi, Rachel!" He put the pan of lasagna back on the table.

"Kurt, I eat vegan," Rachel reminded him politely.

"Oh, yes. I made a vegan lasagna, just for you."

I smiled. It was nice to see Kurt get so enthusiastic. "Impressive, Kurt!" I commented. "I didn't know you could cook vegan."

"I used to make vegan cookies for Rachel on her birthday."

"Yeah, they were really good!" Rachel said happily, sitting down at the table. She picked up a piece with her fork and put it in her mouth. "This is delicious, Kurt!"

Kurt beamed. "Thank you."

It was nice to actually have conversation at the dinner table. "Kurt, maybe we can hang out, while Finn's away. I wouldn't want you to be lonely."

"Yeah, Kurt. You guys should!" I encouraged.

"Oh, well, I'm really busy, but I'll try."

"We could have so much fun, Kurt!" Rachel squealed. "Just like the old days!"

After dinner, I brought Rachel to my bedroom. I sat on my bed, and she laid herself down, with her head in my lap. I stroked my fingers through her silky brunette hair. "I'm gonna miss you so much, Rachel."

"Me too, Finn. But we'll always have the moon." She licked her thumb and poked my cheek with it.

"Rach!" I laughed. I liked all five fingers on my hand and started tickling her.

"Finn, stop!" she shrieked. "No not my belly!" she giggled, pushing me away with her feet.

I tickled her with my other hand, and she started laughing, and tumbled over the side of the bed. I leaped off the bead, pinning myself on top of her. "I love you, baby!"

"I love you more!" she cooed, tickling my neck. She reached forward and kissed me wildly. I laughed, wrapping my hand over her breast. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Kurt smiling at us as he passed by the doorway.

It was almost ten when Rachel left. She waved at Kurt. "I'll call you this week, okay?"

"Okay," Kurt said eagerly.

I walked Rachel down to the lobby and outside the building. She wrapped her jacket tighter around herself as the wind blew against us. "I guess this is goodbye," she said quietly. "Promise me you'll be safe."

"I'd survive a thousand bullets for you." I wrapped my arms around her waist. I needed to feel her warmth one more time before I left.

She traced the outline of my lip with her finger and kissed it. We pulled apart, and her fingertips slowly released mine. She pulled a folded up sheet of paper from her pocket. She gave it to me. "I want us to keep in touch. Read this tomorrow and write me back. Promise?"

"Promise."


	7. Letters

Kurt opened the car door for me and followed me into the airport. I lifted my two bags over my shoulder. Once we got past the first door, Kurt stopped walking. "I guess this is goodbye then," I said quietly.

Kurt smiled weakly. "Bye, Finn. Stay safe."

I hugged him, and his body loosened up. "Thanks, Kurt." I waved and walked forward. If Kurt thought that I might not come back, he certainly wasn't showing it. He never cried or held on too tight when I went back. I guess being away from Blaine hardened him.

I went through security and then went to sit by my terminal. The chairs were occupied by some of my friends from the army. "Hey, Finn!" Ryder called out. Ryder was one of my best friends. He reminded me of Puck. It was nice to have a friend like Ryder, now that Puck was in L.A.

I smiled as I bumped my fist against Ryder's. "Hey, bro! How was your break?"

"It was great! I picked up so many chicks! You?"

"Yeah I guess you could say I picked up a chick." I grinned to myself.

"Cool! She hot?"

"Very."

Ryder congratulated me with a pat on the back. "Great for you, man."

A few more guys arrived, and we all exchanged our generic back pats and fist bumps. Finally, we all boarded the plane together. I took a seat near the back of the plane. Rachel and I used to sit in the back all the time when we went on vacations together. She would toss her hair indignantly and say, "I can handle the back. I never throw up." But then when the ride became turbulent, she would squeal and clutch onto my arm.

I pulled her letter out of my pocket and unfolded it. Her familiar bubbly script was all over the page.

_Dear Finn,_

_ You came back into my life for two weeks. Those were the two greatest weeks of my life. I have to be honest with you. I hated what you did to me at the train station. I couldn't believe you would trick me like that, but then I settled into New York. It was a dream. The sound of the cars rushing down the street, the intimidating height of the skyscrapers, the bright lights at night. The only thing I was missing was you. And then you came and completed everything._

_ As all of us Glee kids know, some things can only be expressed in song._

_ "Loving him was blue like I've never known.  
Missing him was dark gray all alone.  
Forgetting him was like trying to know somebody you never met.  
But loving him was red, burning red."_

_Ever since we first met during sophomore year, I spend several nights crying my eyes out over you. When you told me that you were already dating Quinn. Then when you kissed me in the auditorium and went right back to Quinn. When you called me a sad clown hooker. When you broke up with me because you wanted to find yourself. When we broke up again after I made out with Puck. And the longest night of crying, when you put me on that train. No matter how many tears I shed over you, I still loved you all the time, forever. Something was just missing whenever I wasn't with you. You're the only one for me._

_ It breaks my heart that I have to part with you again, but this time I know we both have a promise from each other. I'm forever yours, and I mean it this time. I will be more faithful than I have ever been. Write back soon. I love you._

_ Rachel Berry_

I traced my finger over the heart she drew around my name and I pressed the lipstick mark by her name to my face.

Ryder sat down next to me and pulled the letter out of my hand. "Oh, so this is the girl?" He snickered at the hearts. "Her name is Rachel Berry? Are you sure she's hot?"

My face reddened. "Shut up. She is!" I pulled a picture out of my pocket defensively. It was the one from our senior prom. Her hair flowed over the side of her face and tumbled down in silky waves. Her dress hugged over her subtle curves.

Ryder nodded. "You're right. I'm impressed, brother! So you're gonna have a long distance?"

"Well we've kind of been on and off. She went to my high school."

"Dude, why didn't you tell me!"

I shrugged. "I was trying to forget her, but then I ran into her again in New York. And now we're back together."

For the first time, Ryder gave me a sentimental smile. "Well, I'm happy for you."

"Thanks," I said, pleasantly surprised.

"As long as she has a hot friend!" he laughed. I snorted. Typical Ryder.

The plane landed at night. After we got off, we had to get on a big truck that would bring us to our camp. I looked up at the full moon and held my thumb out. My thumb covered the moon exactly. And Rachel's moon would be the same size, one thumb. In my head I thought about the letter I would write to her once we got to the camp.

_Dear Rachel,_

_ It's lonely here without you. But it's alright, because when I look up at the moon, I know you're with me. My moon will always be the same size as your moon, half a world away. Do you look up there sometimes and hold your thumb out the way I showed you? I know you're really busy at NYADA, and I know your hard work there will pay off and make you a big star. But I hope you still have time for me, even when I'm not there. Do you ever do any outdoor performances at night? Cause I'll be right there in the glimmering moonlight watching you with a proud smile on my face._

_I love you and wish that I was with you every day. But I'm honoring my dad, and I know he'd be proud of me. I hope you're proud too. I miss you._

_ Love,_

_ Finn Hudson_


	8. Missed You

It was December, which meant there would be a lot of letters and packages arriving for those lucky enough to have loving families. The messenger walked into our camp with a big grin on his face. He held up the stack of letters. He began to look at the names and handed them out. "Ryder," he called out, tossing two envelopes over.

Ryder shook the envelope and ripped it open. His face lit up with a childish glow when he pulled a candy cane out and read the sparkling card. "Thanks, Mom!" he whispered to the card.

As surprising as it was to see badass Ryder get so happy over a small gift from his mother, it was somewhat cute. "What's in the other one?" I asked out of curiosity, pointing to the second envelope.

He picked it up and ripped it open. A stack of pictures fell out and a small note stuck to one of them. He waved the picture at me proudly. "That's my little sister, Kendall. She did it! She's a model now!"

I looked at the picture. Kendall had Ryder's mischievous smile. She was a little heavy, but she was still pretty. "She looks so happy."

Ryder nodded. "She's been having self esteem issues about her weight for a while. She used to be really overweight. She lost 32 pounds over the past two years. She still may not be a size two, but she feels good about herself now. That's all that matters."

"Yeah," I agreed, looking back up at the messenger impatiently. Some of the guys snickered at the way my foot was bouncing up and down with excitement.

"Oh, I have one last letter here…" the messenger said, dragging out his words, knowing I was about to pee my pants.

"I can't read this handwriting. What is this letter? Is that an E?" he snickered. "Oh, it's an F!"

I jumped up and grabbed the letter right away. Everyone laughed. They all knew who it was from. I didn't care that they were all watching me with amusement as my fingers fumbled with the flap of the envelope. I tore off a sloppy piece of the envelope and pulled the letter out.

_Dear Finn,_

_ Merry Christmas! I'm writing this letter from Ohio. I came home to celebrate Hanukkah with my dads. We may have to eat vegan and kosher, but we can still cook great food! Well, I can't. I didn't know how to cook with alcohol, so I ended up burning the vegetables. But besides my embarrassing dinner attempt, we're having a good time together. We found the old dreidel I made when I was six. _

_I brought some over to Kurt's apartment yesterday. He's really upset. He broke up with Blaine. Apparently Blaine cheated on him with some guy named Eli. I stalked his Facebook profile, and his icon is a lighthouse. I don't know what Blaine saw in him, but he really regrets it. Blaine keeps trying to call Kurt, but he never answers. I really wish they'd get back together, but I can understand why Kurt doesn't want to talk to him right now. I guess Blaine needs some time to think about what he's done, and Kurt needs some time before he can trust Blaine again._

_To end on a brighter note, it's only 3 more weeks until you visit! I miss you so much, and I worry about you every day. But we'll be together again soon. And then it'll only be one more year until you're done. Then we can have a future together. I look forward to that so much. I love you._

_ Rachel Berry_

* * *

The next day I got up early so I could write back to Rachel right away.

_Dear Rachel,_

_ I'm glad you had a good Hanukkah with your dads! I wish I could have gotten you a present, but there's not much I can do when I'm at a camp in the middle of nowhere. We don't really do much for Christmas here. We have a small tree inside our tent. My friend, Ryder, split a candy cane with me. Some of us get cards and presents from our family, but then there are a lot of people who don't really have any. There's not much holiday spirit around here._

_ Anyway, I had no idea that things were bad between Kurt and Blaine! I guess he never really talks to me that much. But I'm glad he opened up to you. I can't believe Blaine would do that to Kurt. But Blaine's a nice guy. I'm sure he'll do the most he can to win Kurt back._

_ Now it's only two weeks and six days until I'm going to see you again! You're coming to meet me at the airport, right? I want you to be the first person I see when I get back. I've missed you a lot. This time I'll only be back for a week, but it's better than nothing. I love you._

_ Finn Hudson_

* * *

Finally, the day had come. My plane was landing at JFK airport in New York City. I pulled my bag out from above my head. As I exited the plane, I could hear a loud argument going on between a young woman and a security guard.

"Miss, I can't let you past here!" the security guard explained.

"Please! I just want to see my boyfriend. He's been away in the army," she begged.

I craned my neck. It was Rachel. I waved my hand at her. "Rach!" I called out.

"FINN!" she squealed, running towards me. I dropped my bags and opened my arms to her. She jumped into my arms and wrapped her legs around me. We kissed with passion and desire. "I've missed you so much," she whispered into my lips.

"Me too." I smiled at her, tears forming in my eyes.

We walked to the airport parking lot together, hand in hand. "Kurt drove me here so I could see you," she said.

"How's he feeling about the break up?"

"I guess he's okay now, but he buries himself in work."

I frowned. "He always does that when he's upset. I really wish he wouldn't."

"Well at least he doesn't do anything drastic," Rachel sighed.

She knocked on the window of Kurt's car. He unlocked the back doors for us, and we climbed in. "Hi, Finn." Kurt smiled slightly at me.

"Hey, Kurt. I heard about Blaine..I'm so sorry."

Kurt cleared his throat uncomfortably. "It's alright. I should have seen it coming anyway." He started the car and pulled out of his spot. "I mean he transferred for me, and he's always been doing things for me. And then he sent me to New York. What have I ever done for him? Nothing. I ditched him for a job at vogue."

Rachel raised her eyebrows at me. Neither of us had ever heard Kurt say this much since we graduated high school.

Kurt notice the silence and laughed regretfully. "Sorry. I shouldn't have said all that."

"No, Kurt. It's okay," Rachel encouraged. "It's good for you to talk about things."

I nodded. "Yeah, I miss talking to you. Even if it's not happy stuff."

"Plus, it's not even your fault!" Rachel pointed out. "As much as I love Blaine, it was wrong for him to cheat on you, no matter how lonely he felt."

"I guess," Kurt mumbled. And that was the end of the longest conversation we'd had in months.

* * *

**Wow that took me a long time to update! Sorry, I'm really busy this month. I'll probably be busy until February. **

**Anyway, I'm thinking about changing my username. I still love heyachele and "5ever" is my favorite word, but I just notice that my favorite authors here have deep or creative usernames. I mean I want people to take me seriously, so I guess I need a serious username. I was thinking about hopelesslydevoted, idlediamonds, and hallemoojah (ha see what i did there). I still have to check if they're available but what do you guys think I should change it to?**


	9. Anger to Pleasure

The first night I came home, Kurt drove Rachel and I back to his apartment. He made spaghetti for us, as I predicted. I caught up with Rachel, and we talked about NYADA. Rachel was now in her sophomore year, and she had been auditioning for several productions in New York City. She and Toby continued to do their weekly performances for disabled children. Eve was finally starting to eat three meals a day, even though she'd barely finish three spoonfuls.

Halfway through the meal, Rachel and I noticed that Kurt was sadly twirling the spaghetti around on his fork. "Kurt?" Rachel asked quietly. "Is everything okay?"

"Yes," Kurt whispered, but all three of us knew he wasn't.

"Kurt, you should eat," I tried to tell him.

"I am," he said, still pushing the food around on his plate. It was obvious that the amount on the plate still hadn't changed. Finally, he sighed and shoved a single noodle into his mouth.

"Kurt, I know you're hurting." Rachel put her hand on his back. "But that shouldn't change your outlook on life. In high school, we both used to be so ambitious and energetic. I miss that."

"I miss it, too," he replied nostalgically. "But I'm afraid that's never coming back."

"Don't say that," I said. "The old Kurt is still somewhere in there. He just needs a little time to get back up."

"Okay, I'll try." Kurt actually smiled slightly.

"Thanks, Kurt!" Rachel squeezed his hand encouragingly.

* * *

The next day, Rachel and I went upstate to the Finger Lakes. We planned to stay there for a few nights, and we would come back before I had to leave. When we got there, Rachel wanted to go to the beach right away. "But it's still kind of cold!" I complained.

"Please?" she asked, rubbing her face on my shoulder. "I'll keep you warm if you get cold."

"But.."

"I'm gonna wear a bikini."

I got up right away. "Let's go."

"Thanks, Finn!" she squealed, running into the bathroom holding a two piece swimsuit.

I turned around to change into my swim trunks, and before I knew it, she was already out of the bathroom with a t-shirt over her shoulders. "Damn it," I muttered, frustrated that I had missed the view of her abs.

"Come on, let's go!" she begged, pulling my hand as she skipped out the door. We walked to the beach, hand in hand. Our feet hit the sand at the same rhythm, as we both kicked our shoes off. She laid a towel on the ground. Then,she ran right into the waves and giggled as the cold water splashed over her feet. "Finn, come in!"

I kept my arms wrapped around my stomach, trying to stay warm. "No thanks, it's too cold."

Rachel smirked and ran over to our towel. She pulled the t-shirt off and threw it on the towel. My eyes dipped down to the thin banana-yellow material stretched over her breasts. I shifted my eyes away quickly. "Stripping on a beach? Scandalous!"

"We're the only ones here." She shrugged. She loosened the straps on her bikini, winked at me, and then ran back into the waves.

"Fine!" I sighed, giving in. I pulled my shirt off and dropped it next to hers. I ran behind her and lifted her up around the waist.

She laughed and shrieked as I ran deeper into the water. I let go and she splashed into the waves. "Finn, you suck!" she cried out playfully, throwing a handful of water at me.

The water hit my face. "Ah, my face!" I laughed.

"Don't worry about that!" Rachel giggled, swimming towards me. She grabbed my face in between her hands and stuck her tongue out onto my cheek. She licked every drop of water off, ending with one on the corner of my lip. Her tongue slipped through and we stood knee-deep in water, making out. The waves crashed over us, knocking us off balance. "Oh my God!" Rachel screamed, stumbling into the waves. I picked her up and ran out of the water, then set her back down on the sand.

We laughed, clutching onto each other, trying to keep ourselves from falling face first into the sand. "That was actually really fun, Rach. I didn't even notice the cold," I said, hugging her into my chest.

"I told you!" She poked my nose with her finger. "I'm so tired. Let's go back." She put the shirt back over her head and handed the other shirt to me. I lifted her into my arms, and she fell asleep as I carried her back.

As soon as we got back to our room, Rachel changed into her short lilac nightgown and flopped onto the bed. "Good night," she yawned, curling up onto the right side of the bed.

I pulled my pants off and crawled in with just my boxers on. "Good night, Rach." I wrapped my arms around her and her back snuggled into my stomach.

"I miss this," she said. "It feels nice to sleep together. You know, not sex, but just like this. It's so relaxing."

"Yeah," I whispered back, moving in closer to her. "It is." I wrapped the blanket around her shoulders. "Good night, Rach." She was already asleep.

We had a nice, peaceful night together. But that didn't last. The next night I spread my arms and legs out on the bed while Rachel was moisturizing in the bathroom. "It was hell spending so much time away from you," I told her. She nodded and pumped more lotion onto her hand. "It was miserable. The only things that kept me going were the letters you sent once in a while."

"I sent you a lot of letters," she corrected me. "I sent them pretty often. At least once every three weeks."

"I know. But I just rarely smiled when I was there."

"But don't you have friends there? What about Ryder?"

"Yeah, but Ryder isn't you."

"But he's your friend. Doesn't he make you happy?"

"Sure, I guess. But I just miss being around you all the time."

"It was lonely for me, too."

I rolled my eyes. "How? You were surrounded by a bunch of talented kids. You had Toby and your volunteer program to keep you occupied. You had Brody drooling over you. And I was just standing in the middle of nowhere, covered in dirt."

Rachel stormed out of the bathroom and glared at me. "Stop complaining! You act like everything is always the worst for you! I don't even like Brody. And you don't think it's depressing for me to be around a bunch of happy, energetic kids, while being away from you has practically drained everything from me? Remember in high school you told me to stop feeling sorry for myself? Well, you're doing the exact same thing!"

"Rachel, you have no idea what it feels like to not know whether you'll be alive in a week, a day, even a few hours! You being at NYADA doesn't compare to what I've suffered through at all!"

"You're so clueless, Finn! You'd think that being in Glee club really changes a person and makes them more understanding, but you clearly haven't learned anything. You have no idea what a person feels just by looking at them, and you can't judge based on their privileges. I mean look at Quinn, Santana, Puck, and pretty much all the popular kids who were in the club! They seemed like the people who had everything, but behind their proud smiles, they were hurting so much. And on top of that, I thought that you'd be more compassionate, considering you have a depressed brother!" Rachel's eyes froze with regret.

"Shut up!" I cried. "Don't bring my brother into this! You don't think it kills me to see him frowning every damn day? Did you have to bring that up?" I sobbed into my hands. Kurt's depression was the last thing I wanted to think about right now.

"Finn, I...I'm sorry. I never should have said that." She walked over to the bed and held my hands in hers.

"I really don't want to talk about it," I begged, tears spilling out of my eyes.

"It's okay, Finn. We don't have to talk if you don't want to."

"Good." We laid on the bed in silence for several minutes, glancing over at each other awkwardly.

Rachel sighed and pushed herself up. "This silence is driving me crazy."

"What do you want to do about it?"

"Make it louder," she groaned, wrapping her arms around my chest.

That night, we really did sleep together. It didn't feel special at all. There was no passion. It wasn't sweet and gentle. It was just plain. I can't even explain why we did it. It was like we just needed a distraction from all the anger. Her kisses lacked emotion and energy. My hands didn't feel warm against her. I just didn't feel the magic that we had felt our first time, and I was very disappointed.

Unfortunately, that night started a bad pattern. The next two nights, we fought and then had sex. It was scary how quickly we could transition from yelling and choking over tears to soft moaning and bored grunts. I feared that our relationship would just fall into a downward spiral.

* * *

**I might modify this chapter a little, but I need your opinions! I originally intended for this to be a T rated fic, since Dear John was PG13. But they had sex in this chapter, so I could write that out if you guys want me to. I don't really care if the sex scene is put in or not, since they did it without passion. But if you guys would like it just for fun I wouldn't mind.**


	10. Where Is The Love

Rachel slipped her bathrobe on as she exited the bathroom. "Finn, I wanna apologize for all those arguments we had for the last few nights."

"Yeah, me too. I wish we didn't spend most of our vacation fighting."

"Well we still have tonight. I don't wanna fight tonight, and no sex either. Not that I don't like doing it with you..I just don't like the way we've been having sex after fights."

"Can we just sleep together like the first night?" I asked softly.

She smiled slightly. "I'd love that." She climbed into the bed in front of me.

We were silent for a while, but then I spoke. "Did you ever think we'd have such a rocky relationship when we first met?"

She looked up at me. "To be honest, I didn't think I had a chance at all."

"And look how that turned out."

She laughed. "Yeah. It's weird."

"But when we started dating, did you think we'd have so many break ups?"

"Well, I guess I was always afraid of us breaking up, but I never expected us to be on and off like that."

"I guess it means we have a really strong connection."

"I never wanna feel the pain of a break up again."

"Me neither," I agreed. "It sucks."

"A lot."

"Do you think it would happen again, Rach?" No answer. "Rachel?" She was already asleep, curled up snugly against my chest. "Good night, Rach." I didn't mind that she fell asleep anyway. I'd be too scared to hear her answer.

* * *

The night we drove home I went straight to my bedroom in Kurt's apartment. I fell asleep right away, and I couldn't even tell how long I had been asleep.

Someone knocked on my door. "Finn?" I rubbed my eyes as I looked up to see who was walking in. There were two pairs of legs. For a second, I thought I was seeing double. But my vision eventually cleared up, and I could tell that they were two different people. Kurt was standing by my bed with a cup of milk. Next to him was Rachel holding an iPod. "Oh, hi, Rachel!"

"Hi, Finn."

"What's going on?"

"Well to make up for all the fighting we did over the vacation, I asked Kurt to help me prepare something fun for you. So just relax in bed. Drink your milk. And just let us put a smile on your face!" she said.

Rachel put her iPod into the docking station. She took some gold chain necklaces out of her bag and put them around Kurt's neck. Then she put a backwards baseball cap on her head. I was amused already.

_Kurt:_

_What's wrong with the world, mama?  
People livin' like they got no mama  
I think the whole world addicted to the drama  
Only attracted to the things that'll bring you trauma  
Overseas, yeah, we try to stop terrorism  
But we still got terrorists here livin  
In the USA, the big CIA  
The Bloods, the Crips, and the KKK_

_Rachel:_

_But if you only have love for your own race  
Then you only leave space to discriminate  
And to discriminate only generates hate  
And when you hate then you're bound to get irate  
Madness is what you demonstrate  
And that's how anger works and operates  
Man you gotta have love just to set it straight  
Take control of your mind and meditate  
Let your soul gravitate to the love, y'all, y'all._

_Both:_

_People killin', people dyin'  
Children hurt and you hear them cryin'  
Can you practice what you preach?  
And would you turn the other cheek?_

_Kurt:_

_Father, father, father help us  
Send some guidance from above_

_Rachel:_

_Cause people got me questionin'_

_Both:_

_Where is the love?  
Where is the love?  
Where is the love?  
Where is the love?  
The love, the love_

I smiled and clapped for both of them. It made my day to see both Kurt and Rachel filled with so much energy. "I loved that! I didn't know you guys can rap!"

Rachel giggled. "We can't really, but we did our best."

"What are you talking about? Your rapping is just as great as your singing!"

Kurt laughed for half a second, but it was the most I'd heard out of him in a while. "Thanks," he said proudly.

Rachel looked lovingly in my direction. "I guess I just really wanted to pick something that would express my feelings towards our relationship. I know it's hard for you being in the army, and I guess it's pretty hard for me, too, being in such a competitive city. But the important thing when we're together is to just love. And I'm sorry I didn't realize that before."

I couldn't stop myself from grinning. "Thanks, Rachel. That means a lot to me."

She came over to my bed and gave me a long, meaningful hug. "I love you."

* * *

Rachel came with Kurt when he drove me to the airport. "Just three more months until my next visit," I reminded them, as I lifted my bag off the seat.

"I'll miss you, Finn," Kurt said to me, and that was the most he'd ever said to me at the airport. I was surprised at his somewhat positive attitude these last few days, especially since his break up with Blaine, but it was pleasant.

"Thanks, Kurt." I reached over to give him a hug.

Then Rachel came out of the car to hug me. "Bye, Finn. I promise I'll keep writing." She gave my back one last squeeze and turned towards the car.

"Rach, wait!" She looked back at me. "I didn't get my goodbye kiss!"

She smiled slyly. "You didn't think I forgot, did you? I just needed a grand entrance for it." She rushed towards me and flung her arms around my neck. Her lips felt warm and passionate against my face. I held my arms around her waist until she let go. "Was that good?"

I stumbled slightly, shocked by the amazing sensation that just came over me. "Oh...wow..yeah!"

"I love you, Finn."

"I love you, too." I pulled her back in for one more kiss before I turned towards the airport doors. I turned around again and waved as I walked through the entrance. She was standing there, waving proudly the entire time, not a single tear on my face. I smiled happily. That was her. My strong, brave girlfriend.


	11. Are You In

**Warning: The fic is about to get kinda crazy here. In Dear John, John agrees to continue serving in the army when 9/11 happens but I can't do that in this fic because the time period is off. I was going to reference the shooting in Connecticut, but that would be inaccurate, too since this chapter is after Christmas. I had to make up a different shooting, so don't think I'm going crazy!**

* * *

"Finn, get over here!" Ryder called. The panic in his voice concerned me and I rushed over. A bunch of guys were sitting around our portable radio. "Listen!"

The speaker on the radio had a very solemn voice, and I could tell right away that something bad had happened. "Less than two hours, a tragic event took place at San Francisco Junior High School. A former student, now age 30, entered the school with a gun, killing forty students and ten teachers. It gets worse. He quickly escaped the school and went to the nearby West California High School, shooting twenty students and five teachers. In the past, this man 'accidentally' hit two children who were crossing the street with his car. But it's quite evident now, that none of these were accidents."

"God, people are crazy!" I cried.

"It's tragic," Ryder said sadly. "I guess we should all have a moment of silence." Everyone murmured in agreement. We lowered our heads and stared at the ground for a minute.

After the minute was up, we all walked back to the tent. "Do you think they'll send us to California?" I asked Ryder.

"I don't know. They probably need stronger security out there," he answered.

"Would you go out there?"

"Sure, anything to protect people. You?"

"I don't know. I was supposed to leave after a year."

Ryder put his hand on my shoulder. "It's because of her, isn't it?"

"I..." I didn't bother trying to lie. Ryder knew.

"Finn, I know you love her. But this is a lot more important than some romance."

"I know, and I'd hate to be selfish. But I promised her I would be home for good."

"And you will one day. If she really loves you, she'll wait." Ryder smiled encouragingly at me. "I wouldn't be surprised if they decide to send us to California for a year. So when the time comes, make the right decision, bro."

And Ryder's prediction was correct. Two days later, we were all sitting in front of our general. He had explained the situation to us, and sure enough, we would be sent to California for another year. "Who's in?" he asked.

Ryder stood immediately, and several other guys followed. Some hesitated but eventually stood. I was the last one standing. "Finn," Ryder begged. "Don't be the only one."

I sighed for a moment, and then stood. "I'm in."

* * *

I trembled as I walked off the airplane. How would I tell Rachel that I would be away for another year? She'd never forgive me. I promised her that I'd be home. And now that promise was broken. I saw her standing with Kurt, and they waved at me. I tried to wave and smile back, but I knew I didn't look happy at all.

"Hi, Finn!" Rachel said. She walked forward to me and wrapped her arms warmly around my body. After placing a soft kiss on the corner of my lips, she looked up at me. "Are you okay? You look like something's bothering you."

I faked another smile. "I'm fine. I just really missed you. That's all." I tilted her chin towards me again and kissed her, trying to make up for the lack of passion in the last one.

"Guys, not in public!" Kurt complained.

We pulled apart and I glanced at Rachel. "Did something happen to him?" I whispered.

"Blaine showed up a week ago, asking for Kurt back."

"Oh. I guess it didn't end well."

"Nope. He's been really upset since."

We walked to Kurt's car, and I sat in the back with Rachel. "So are you guys going to the party my dads are having for their anniversary? They booked it at a hotel in the city."

"Sure, I'd love to!" I replied right away.

"I don't know," Kurt mumbled. "I'm not really in the mood for parties."

"Oh, that's okay," Rachel said, disappointed. "There's still time, so let me know if you change your mind."

* * *

The day of Rachel's dads' party, I found Kurt getting dressed in his bedroom. "You decided to go? That's great, Kurt!"

"Yeah," he said quietly.

"Don't worry," I assured him. "You'll have fun."

Our doorbell rang, and I went to open the door. Rachel was standing there in a tight dress that went to her knees. "Hey," she said with a smile.

"Rach..you look great!" I slipped my arm behind her waist and kissed her quickly before Kurt came out of his room. "Oh yeah, Kurt is coming with us!"

"Yay! Thanks, Kurt!" Rachel squealed.

"Hang on, guys. I didn't put my tie on yet." I struggled to tie a knot around my neck. "Um..just a minute."

Rachel rolled her eyes. "I'll take care of this." She took the tie out of my hand and put it on in just a few seconds.

"Oh, thanks. I guess you have stronger fingers than me," I mumbled.

She laughed. "Mhm." She opened the door. "Let's go, guys!"

Kurt bit his fingers nervously. "Go without me."

"But Kurt, you already got dressed," I said.

"I just don't think I can," he whispered weakly, sitting down.

"Kurt," Rachel pleaded. "You can't avoid people forever."

"Please, just go have fun. I'm too tired."

"Are you sure?" Rachel asked one more time.

"Yes."

"Okay," she sighed. "Bye, Kurt. I'll see you later."

* * *

The hotel had an extremely golden interior design. The door handles, ceiling and staircases were all painted with the metallic color. "Damn. I didn't know your dads were that rich!" I commented.

"They're not really," Rachel laughed. "They only indulge once in a while."

As if on cue, Leroy and Hiram approached us with wide smiles. "Finn, Rachel, welcome!" They looked at us and realized someone was missing. "Where's Kurt?"

"We tried to get him to come with us, but he changed his mind at the last minute. He's been really sad lately," I explained.

"Wasn't the break up a while ago?" Leroy asked.

"Yeah, but he's still not over it."

Hiram smiled sympathetically. "Heartbreak can take a long time to get over, especially for a young man."

"Well, it was good to see you kids, but we're going to socialize. Have fun!" Leroy dragged Hiram off with him, so they could greet another person that just walked in.

"Rach, do you want anything to drink?" I asked her.

"Just water."

"Okay, I'll be right back."

I went to go find beverages, and I almost ran into a guy holding a glass of wine. I looked up it was Brody. "Hey, Finn. So you're back."

"Yeah," I said through clenched teeth. What did he want?

"Look, I'm sorry for being unfriendly to you last time we met. I was jealous of you and Rachel. But I get it now. You guys are together, and I'm not gonna get in the way. Are we cool?" He held his hand out.

I thought for a moment. I didn't trust him, but there was no point in starting a fight. "Yeah." I shook his hand reluctantly. "See you around."

I got a glass of water and brought it back to Rachel. "Hey, I talked to Brody."

Her eyes widened. "Oh God, did you guys start something?"

"No, he apologized. I guess we're cool now."

She smiled and drank from her glass. "That's good. I'm gonna go to the bathroom. Wait here for me?"

"Sure."

While I waited, I saw Leroy and Hiram socializing. "Oh, hi! Finn, come over here!"

I walked over to them, and they introduced me to their friend. "This is our friend, Steve. He used to be in the army."

I shook Steve's hand. "Nice to meet you."

"So you've heard about the shooting in California?" Steve asked.

I nodded. "I'm being sent over there for another year."

"That's very honorable of you."

I felt a tap on my back, and I turned around. Rachel was standing there with an angry expression on her face. "You're going to California for another year?"

"Rachel, I'm sorry. I was going to tell you I just didn't know how."

"How long were you going to keep this from me?" she cried, her eyes glossed with tears. She turned around and ran towards the doors by the balcony.

"Rachel.." I called after her, but she wouldn't even look at me.


End file.
